A Letter to TVXQ

I just wanted to share this letter that made me cry because it's so true and I feel the same way...

Letter from a Chinese Fan

I'm not part of your past, but you are all of mine

I will never be part of your future, but you will always remain as part of mine

Your love is divided between so many, mine is devoted only to you

Loving you makes me hurt inside, yet I love the pain you give me

There's an hour's time difference between the two of us

I see you walking down streets and alleys

And I retrace your footsteps, walking through your life

Your past is my future

I didn't used to believe in selflessness and self-sacrifice,

I always thought each and everyone of us were intrinsically selfish

All these prejudices, I hold them against myself and I loathe that I'm able to sacrifice so much for this man

You are a passerby in my life yet you've left with you such beautiful scenery and such deep, painful scars

You will never truly understand

When compliments turn into admiration

When praise turns into obsession

When idolization turns into love

We come from two different paths, yet from the moment these paths cross, there is no return

I watch you from faraway, in an entirely different universe, knowing that I will never be part of your future

People say love is most painful when you cannot have what you love

I say love is most painful when one is ignorant

So many things I've sacrificed, yet you have no idea that I even exist

Regardless, I've done it all by my own free will

You've never heard my name

You've never turned back to look at me

I follow your footsteps each day, thinking about the good that belongs to us

Then, as darkness refutes my fantasies, I cry uncontrollably

Until I'm no longer able to speak

The only thought in my head: Thank you dear, thank you for everything you've done

I should smile, and yet I'm afraid, because so many people love you more than I do

I should be proud, and yet I'm afraid, because this red ocean has reduced me to a minuscular, insignificant speck

I've always held my arms open, yet I've been unable to provide you with any warmth. I'm afraid, I'm afraid that what we give you will become your burden rather than your wings

I'm afraid that I"ll forget you, I'd rather die than forget.

I'm afraid that one day I won't know where you are and what you're doing, but as long as you're happy, I'll support your every decision.

I shouldn't be afraid, whoever it is, even if I don't know her, I'll be grateful that she is treating you well

We all hold the same faith because we are part of the same red ocean.

Nothing is impossible.

Someone I've never even met in my life has taught me courage and given me strength,

he's supported me and helped me along the way.

I'm not silly, it's just that he's become my sole bias.

I will cherish your every emotion, be it happiness or sadness.

You are my love - 'Always keep the faith' and 'Keep in mind that I love you'

The spell you've cast on me, I'll accept it willingly

At this moment, I realize I must learn to accept this incomplete perfection

We are not alone in our suffering, yet we are unable to provide much consolation to one another

We defiantly hold to one another, but we're unable to stop the invasion of loneliness

Even as our faces are covered in tears, we'll continue to fake a smile

Four years since being a Cassiopeia, I finally found out that the meaning of Cassiopeia is to protect those that we love for eternity

I will continue to wait, no matter where you are, please take good care of yourself.

I know that there are people more perfect than you, but they're not you

I'm drawn to you without reason. Completely in love, even with your little tongue habit…

Jaejoong,

It's never hard to say I love you

We aren't stubborn, it's just that there are some things and some people…

We love you and our love for you is buried deep in our hearts.

Whenever I feel my heart ache, I know that he has already lived through that pain.

Whenever I worry, I know that he's been troubled by the same things.

By the time I see him, his wounds will have been tended to,

and when I cry, he will already have gotten up to stand before me, all by himself.

Perhaps there's nothing left that I can do for you,

but I know, I know that I can wait, I can wait for the best possible ending.

As long as I can see you, I'll be content.

Even if you never learn of my existence, I am not and will never be afraid.

The only thing that could scare me is not knowing you and not seeing you.

As long as I am part of this red ocean, I'll be content.

The people around me tell me that falling in love with Dong Bang Shin Ki is the most unusual thing I've ever done,

but I know, I know that throughout the past four years, nothing has been the result of impulse or mere lust…

For so long, I've feigned indifference… until I met Jaejoong...

He made me realize that I am not the type to let go easily

10 years from now, I think I'll probably still think of you the way I do now.

Jae, I love you, yet I know this is not love.

I want to look on from afar and see that you're good and well, that you're living your life and I'm living mine.

Yet I feel as though you're close to me.

When I'm alone and hurting, you put a smile to my face.

Jae, like every other Cassiopeia out there, all I want is to be close to you, even if it is the wildest of dreams.

Last year, on the 26th of December, I told myself I could never fall in love with another stranger the way I have with you.

I know the day will come, when you'll inevitably leave me, but I hope that all will be well.

You and I, very far on from now, when all else fades, we'll still remember one another, we'll remember those that we loved and those that we so stubbornly held on to.

Thank God for letting me love you, for letting me watch you from a distance and for letting me protect you.

I love you for who you are, when all those around you allow themselves to be treated as empty puppets, you held your own.

It wasn't love at first sight,

in the time I've known you, I've been drawn towards you by your aura, your voice, your tattoos, your birthmark, your back, your smile, your cuteness and even your Vick…

I'm sorry that I've yet to breathe the air around you…

I know I'm not a good person,

because I've got a drug addiction,

I'm addicted to you and I won't let anyone or anything come in between us.

Regardless of the state you're in today, I will pray for you, even if the consequence is my own loneliness…

I was so ready for the sadness that I knew would envelope me, yet there are so many people with me right now that I no longer feel the sorrow

All of that misery had become our motivation to move forward,

I'm not here to make you all cry,

I'm here to tell you all that somewhere in this world, there are people who understand you, people who will sympathize and people who will be with you along the way to make things better.

Jaejoong, your voice is God's gift,

no matter how much you drink, you have a voice as pure as water,

and it's etched the words 'Always Keep the Faith' into my soul.

I've noticed that whenever I'm in pain, the sight of you numbs the grief.

If I'd known I'd love you this way,

I would've fallen in love with you at first sight…

I didn't think these things happened… falling so hard for someone in a split second…

Tell me Jaejoong, how much have you actually slept in the past 6 years?

I need to know that your every smile is out of pure happiness, and not because you have no other choice…

I don't want my every 'for you' to be a burden that weighs you down infinitely,

I could tell you, Jaejoong, that I can survive without you,

but I'd be lying.

If only I could help bear the burden,

you've given us so much joy,

but then you turn around and shoulder all the pain.

This time around, as long as it's your decision, I will support you, no matter what it costs me.

I know it's not easy for you, and that is why I will heal as soon as possible so that I can provide you with strength, so that you can continue to pursue your dream.

When I say "I", I mean 'we', because I cannot do this on my own. He wont' hear it.

I'll keep faith in you;

when you turn around, I won't ask you to come back,

but when you do return, I'll be here waiting…

We truly did walk down this path together…
Perhaps it's because I'm still part of it… right now I don't consider this to be a form of sacrifice
Maybe one day, when we're able to extricate ourselves, we'll look back and remember that we once loved you more than life itself.

I hope that some day in the future,
when someone asks how I feel about you, I'll be able to say that I'm still fiercely in love.

Why do I like you?
I don't even know.
I think it's the same for most other people… or maybe it's just because you're Kim Jaejoong. And that's all there is.

Jung Yunho,

Do you remember when Jaejoong sang 'I want to be your bed..' to you on a variety show?

Do you remember Park Yoochun? The boy who used to appear on variety shows with you, and once 'stole' away the girl you liked?

Do you remember Kim Junsu? The boy who'd take you home with him during your trainee days, and who had a relationship with you closer than that of blood-related brothers?

Do you remember in Couple Talk, when Changmin said you were the reason that Dong Bang Shin Ki is as successful as it is?

Kim Jaejoong,

Do you remember that variety show in Japan, where you hurriedly thrusted a biscuit at Yunho after eating food so spicy that even you had difficulty swallowing?

Do you remember in that Q&A session where you and Yoochun both said that you were the first to cry at the award ceremony, but all other members picked Chun?

Do you remember that concert, where you pushed Junsu around the stage on his wheelchair?

Do you remember when you first debuted, when you stole Changmin's pajamas so you could appear more friendly to the fans?

Park Yoochun,

Do you remember being on X-man at 15, when you were embarrassed and awkward, and Yunho, who was on the other team, kept sneaking over to pat your shoulder?

Do you remember your hyung Jaejoong's aegyo?

Do you remember Kim Junsu, the boy who didn't like you at first, but went on to write songs with you as years passed by?

Do you remember Shim Changmin, the boy who never cried nearly as much as you, but couldn't hold back his tears at the award ceremony?

Kim Junsu,

Do you remember how Yunho spontaneously decided to change the lyrics to 'My heart is filled with Junsu'?

Do you remember how Jaejoong said that your heart is like the ocean and your eyes are like a lake?

Do you remember how you said "I want to become Yoochun so I can find out whether or not my big forehead will get cold?"

Do you remember how you said that Changmin eats more when he has a good appetitie, when he is sick, when he's happy and when he's unhappy?

Shim Changmin,

Do you remember how you bent your knee slightly during an interview so that Jung Yunho would appear taller?

Do you remember how you said that the present you wanted most was for Jaejoong's leg to heal as soon as possible?

Do you remember Park Yoochun, the boy who never stops crying, but held tightly on to you when you cried?

Do you remember Kim Junsu, the hyung who you'd annoy the daylights out of just so you could play football together?

Dong Bang Shin Ki,

Do you remember?

Jung Yunho who said that the greatest event in his life was meeting his 4 other members.

Kim Jaejoong who said that the reason that your friendship is stronger than anyone else's is because you breathe, speak, eat and sleep in the same room…

Park Yoochun who said that you will be together for the 2nd album, the 20th album, the 200th and the 2000th..

Kim Junsu who said that he would leave if any other member left.

Shim Changmin who said that Dong Bang Shin Ki can only exist when the five are together.

Cassiopeia,

Do you remember?

Who is it that shouted 'I love you, Cassiopeia!' after delivering a speech at an award ceremony?

Who is it that said 'Stay with us forever Cassiopeia, in 20 years time, come and support us along with your children, it's a promise!'

Who is it that said 'I want to sing, I have to sing, I have to sing till the day that I die' even as his voice was changing?

Who is it, that despite the ill-treatment he received during a signing event, smiled brightly at the fans as he thanked them, and told the crying fans not to cry?

This part of the past is ours and nobody can take away these memories.

We will not forget, we will never forget.

For so long, you've worked so hard to be the Dong Bang Shin Ki that Cassiopeia can be proud of,

and we, Cassiopeia, have become your motivation.

All separation and suffering is temporary because we believe we will reunite.

We have not given up because you have not either.

We will wait, and our driving force are our memories.

Those who leave will come home one day because you are completely unique.

Those who are waiting will continue waiting, because there is no one in the world more deserving of our love.

Let's promise one another this: As long as you keep singing and dancing, and pursuing your dream, we will continue to be your red ocean.

Remember your promise. 20 years from now, when you release your 2000th album, we will be together, forever and ever.

Until the day when we grow old and you hold yet another concert, we will sing 'Forever Love' and 'Miduhyo' together, and as we part, we will have smiles upon our faces.

Promise us that you'll live well.

Always Keep the Faith.

Credits:

uknow紫涩@TVXQBaidu

Trans by: dorfehh@DBSKnights

Shared by: DBSKnights