Monday 29th November 2010
Jae said in his twitter...
어젠..그냥 약 1년이란시간동 마음속에 가두고만있던 무언가가 "빵"하고 터지면서 시작된 울음이 처음 유천이가 위로해줘서 또울고,.준수가위로해줘서 또울고..다같이모여서 "사랑한다""꼭영원하자.."란말하면서 또 어깨춤추면서..울고..준수형 유천이형 고마워
Yesterday.. I started crying because something inside of my heart, that I had been locking away for the past year, just seemed to burst out with a "Bang", and I cried again when Yoochun came to comfort me,. And then I cried again when Junsu came to comfort me.. Then we all got together and said "I love you""We have to be eternal.." to each other, danced.. and cried..Thanks Junsu hyung and Yoochun hyung (8:28pm KST) (trans by tohosomnia)
I felt myself tearing-up as well. I remember the lyrics of one of their songs, Begin
泣きたい時は泣けばいいから
It's okay if you cry when you want to
ねえ 無理はしないで
It's not unreasonable
涙涸れたら 笑顔はひらく
When a tear dries, a smile lights up your face.
ほら、もう笑ってる
Look, you are already laughing
I want to tell Jaejoong that... I want him to cry when he wants to and not to worry anymore and that everything will be alright.
Monday, November 15, 2010
I'm not going to cry anymore
I'm not going to cry anymore
But as I say this, my eyes stings from the tears I refuse to shed
Acceptance
I guess I'm in that stage right now...
"TVXQ can no longer be..."
No, I don't think I can say it. I lied. I still don't want to accept it.
December 2003, TVXQ started.
It's almost 7 years since they started living their one common dream. It's been more than 7 years since they've met. 7 long years... It's way too long to be easilty taken for granted.
"Are they still friends?"
"Do they still see each other?"
"Do they call each other?"
Before I used to answer these questions with, "Of course!" But as time goes by it gets harder and harder to believe.
I used to dream about TVXQ coming to my country for a concert but now I dream of something bigger than that. A dream that is becoming more and more impossible to come true.
I want them to be together. They don't have to be back as TVXQ because being in TVXQ has caused them so much pain. I just want them together. Just... together. Just like how they used to.
One thing I learned from this fan-idol kind of love is selflessness. Although we always say, "Please come back as TVXQ." there's always a "but if you don't want to we understand" right after.
"Always Keep the Faith"
Even though I can't count the number of times I said those words, I meant them every single time. Besides there is no other option for me but to believe. Otherwise it will hurt me so fucking much that I wouldn't even dare think about it.
Jaejoong's smile is so sad. Makes me want to cry.. *sniff* *sniff*
いつだって君に
Itsudatte Kimini
To you, always
君だけに逢いたかったよ いつだって逢いたかったよ
Kimidakeni aitakattayo itsudatte aitakattayo
We wanted to see just only you, we always wanted to see you
今は抱きしめてい るよ 君のすべてを
Imaha dakishimete iruyo kimino subetewo
We are hugging you, hugging you entirely
微笑みを許してよ ただ僕らのために
Hohoemiwo yurushiteyo tada bokurano tameni
Please forgive our smiles, they are just for our own
きっと交わす日に また光が射すから
Kitto kawasu hini mata hikariga sasu kara
The light should stream when we can smile once again
涙のゆくえ 言葉なくして
Namidano yukue kotoba nakushite
Our tears flow, we are lost for words
本当の心 失っていた
Hontouno kokoro ushinatteita
We have been losing our true hearts
感じた涙 乾く涙なら
Kanjita namida kawaku namida nara
Our emotional tears, which were able to dry up
見えない絆でしっかりつながれていた
Mienai kizunade shikkari tsunagareteita
We were strongly tied by invisible bonds
そうもう一度 言わないで行けるんだ
Sou mouichido iwanaide yukerunda
We will be able to start again, without saying any words
たとえ巡る時が
Tatoe meguru tokiga
Even though the passing days are…
そうもういいから 夢の続き探し始めてみない か・・・
Sou mouiikara yumeno tsuduki sagashi hajimete minaika …
We will walk ahead, searching for our dreams once more
君だけに逢いたかっ たよ いつだって逢いたかったよ
Kimidakeni aitakattayo itsudatte aitakattayo
We wanted to see just only you, we always wanted to see you
気持ちを伝えるた めに ここへ来たんだ
Kimochiwo tsutaeru tameni kokohe kitanda
We came here to convey our feelings
寂しさも応えたよ ただ君を信じて
Samishisamo kotaetayo tada kimiwo shinjite
The loneliness really hurt us, but, believing in you
ずっとありがとう その想いがあるから
Zutto arigatou sono omoiga arukara
Thank you for your love, we are sharing the same thoughts
悲しくなる 僕た ちの幸せは
Kanashikunaru bokutachino shiawaseha
We are sad to know that our happiness
僕たちの答えが 何か大切なものを知ってたんだ
Bokutachino kotaega nanika taisetsuna monowo shittetanda
Our answer knows, what is the most important thing
安らぎだけで触れあえるものを 感じていたいのに涙がどんな時も
Yasuragi dakede fureaeru monowo kanjite itainoni namidaga donna tokimo
We just wanted to feel comfort, enjoying the closeness, but there are only tears
そう他の誰かではなく めぐりあえた意味があるね
Sou hokano darekadehanaku meguriaeta imiga arune
There is a meaning that we were able to meet the only one
今 願いを話せるね
Ima negaiwo hanaserune
We are able to speak about our wishes now
そう君のための 僕でいたい
Sou kimino tameno bokude itai
We want to be our true selves, for you
忘れずにいてほしいよ
Wasurezuni itehoshiiyo
Please do not forget us
君だけに逢いたかったよ いつだって逢いたかったよ
Kimidakeni aitakattayo itsudatte aitakattayo
We wanted to see just only you, we always wanted to see you
今は抱きしめてい るよ 君のすべてを
Imaha dakishimete iruyo kimino subetewo
We are hugging you, hugging you entirely
微笑みを許してよ ただ僕らのために
Hohoemiwo yurushiteyo tada bokurano tameni
Please forgive our smiles, they are just for our own
きっとこの先に また光は射すから
Kitto konosakini mata hikariha sasukara
The light should stream when we can smile once again
君だけに逢いたかったよ いつだって逢いたかったよ
Kimidakeni aitakattayo itsudatte aitakattayo
We wanted to see just only you, we always wanted to see you
気持ちを伝えるために ここへ来たんだ
Kimochiwo tsutaerutameni kokohe kitanda
We came here to convey our feelings
寂しさも応えたよ ただ 君を信じて
Samishisamo kotaetayo tada kimiwo shinjite
The loneliness really hurt us, but, believing in you
ずっとありがとう その想いがあるから
Zutto arigatou sono omoiga arukara
Thank you for your love, we share the same feelings
君だけに逢いたかったよ いつだって逢いたかったよ
Kimidakeni aitakattayo itsudatte aitakattayo
We wanted to see just only you, we always wanted to see you
今も抱きしめているよ 君のすべてを
Imamo dakishimete iruyo kimino subetewo
We are hugging you, hugging you entirely
微 笑みを許してよ ただ僕らのために
Hohoemiwo yurushiteyo tada bokurano tameni
Please forgive our smiles, they are just for us
きっとこの先に また光が射すから
Kitto konosakini mata hikariga sasukara
The light should stream when we can smile once again
Source: bati848 & smiley @ OneTVXQ.com
Translation: smiley @ OneTVXQ.com
Special thanks: chara1019
Credits: OneTVXQ.com { One World. One Red Ocean. One TVXQ! }
Aish... Can't stop the tears from falling again.. *sniff* *sniff*
I'm reading fanaccounts from SM Town concert and A-nation and I know I should've done this days ago but since I don't want to be depressed I decided not to read them...
My sister keeps saying.. "hey, have you read... have you seen...? blah blah blah..."
I just keep telling her, "nope, not interested."
That was a lie. Since when did I stop caring for TVXQ?
Its been days since I read DBSKnights.net and I know I missed so much already.
In the end I couldn' take it anymore so I decided to visit the site knowing exactly what was there...
Fanaccounts and fancams from the two separate concerts that happened at the same day.
I saw pictures of red ocean... (I mean the audience is almost filled with red light sticks which makes it looks like a red ocean. I said almost because although it's SM Town more than half of the audience are TVXQ fans. That makes me a proud cassiopeia. See how amazing we are?)
Red balloons flying in the air...
Videos of Cassiopeia screaming at the top of their lungs...
Pictures of Jun-chan and his new blonde hair...
Stories about Jaejoong being emotional and even went a little off key and the unconfirmed fact that he cried in the end (I was hoping he wouldn't)
Stories about fans crying while listening to JYJ sing W...
Fans complaining about having to choose which one to attend between the two concerts...
HoMin singing a new song... (Like JYJ they decided to release a new album soon. They still carry the name Dong Bang Shin Ki and without the other 3 it just makes me so sad)
HoMin saying.."Annyeonghaseyo Dong Bang Shin Ki imnida..."
This made me stop for a second because I remember the times they were saying those same lines but this one is different. Because instead of five it was just the two of them.
Then I cried...
No matter how cute or how cool or how amazing their performances were in those two concerts there will always be the sad reality that they were in two different stages...
I wonder if I will be able to see them in the same stage singing the same songs again...
Darn.. Didn't I say I'll always keep the faith?
Sometimes I really hate myself for thinking negative things. Why can't I just patiently wait and believe it will happen?
Darn it.. *cursing myself a little more*
Yunho & Changmin said, "Annyeonghaseyo dong bang shin ki imnida..." "Annyeonghaseyo cassiopeia imnida", the audience replied in unison..
Damn.. I'm crying again...
I miss those words but I don't think I wanted to hear them yet...
Coz if it's not the five it's not Dong Bang Shin Ki. "hello we are dong bang shin ki..."
I wonder if I'll be able to hear those five guys say those words again...
Until then I'll always keep the faith
It's already been a year since the lawsuit started...
Although it feels like I've been waiting forever, I'm definitely not gonna stop waiting now...
Because TVXQ is worth every effort and love that we, Cassies, give them...
They say that love grows stronger during the difficult times...
I understand it now.
I'm not being foolish and this kind of fandom is not about being crazy over an idol.
So please don't think it that way...
Please...
It's already hard enough for us that we couldn't see them together so please don't make it even harder by looking at us like some sort of crazed fans.
We do shed tears for them. And they also shed tears for us. They always try their best because they don't want to disappoint us and I think right now they feel sorry for disappointing us (when there is actually no reason to be). You might find it funny but we really are hurting. Because you see, for us, TVXQ are like friends. We share some sort of a bond that you probably wouldn't understand. In life there are people who will touch our lives and it just so happened that TVXQ touched mine.
Many years ago, they were asked, If TVXQ breaks up, what will you want to do as an individual?
YooChun said “Ill be composing songs. Our DBSK songs.”
Recently he composed a song together with Jaejoong and Junsu with these lyrics,
The letters that the stars created in the night sky
I still believe that it is not just by chance
In the same darkness, in the same distance
We are painting the W in the same way
The words that you murmured to the stars shining in the night sky
We still believe that it is not “Good bye”
Under the same sky, dreaming the same dream
We are still searching for the W
We will always shine in the same shape
We believe that we can laugh together with you once again
The W is the constellation Cassiopeia so by saying "We will always shine in the same shape" and "We still believe that it is not “Good bye”"
I know they want to be back to the way they were before. But then they couldn't ...
So how can I not cry when I see their heart break like this?
With the same question Yunho answered like this:
“If that does happen, I will gather my members again As the leader of DBSK.”
And so we are still holding on to that promise...
When Jaejoong, Junsu and Micky held their concert last June in Osaka, Japan they said, "we didn't want to cry because we know you came here to see us smile". But in the end they still cried and 40 000 fans cried with them.
You will never understand it, I know. How I can be so affected by something like this.
But you won't understand it because you never tried to understand...
You might be thinking I'm stupid for liking someone who speaks a language I couldn't even understand. But I guess people who are not open minded enough to try new things are the stupid ones. People who are so influenced by a culture they're grew up with and those who are just blindly following the norm.
I know there are a lot of singers much better than TVXQ. Who sings better than TVXQ and dances better than TVXQ. But TVXQ are the only ones who touches my heart everytime I watch them perform. Because everytime they perform I remember their dorkiness, their love for each other, and the hard times they've been through. They are true and honest people and there is no hint of pretense in their lives. Other artist look up to them because they're good-mannered and polite. They say whatever they want and do whatever they like without thinking about their image being ruined. They are just normal people who likes to have fun and live their dream.
So why do I love TVXQ? It's because they're TVXQ. I've never seen anyone like them and I doubt if I ever will...
